Things From Today, 11/26

I'm gonna start pretending that my two month pauses in blogging are actually mere 24-hour spans.

Also, this is gonna get shorter. starting now.

So I'm going to Los Angeles (later) today. It's SO COOL. I Haven't been to LA yet, and i've got my hopes up honestly. I'm also meeting up with CTY-ers and it will make me ridiculously happy. Like, I'm-in-danger-of-spontaneous- combustion happy.

Last weekend was spent with Nixon, Emma, and Cedilla- and it was one of the best weekends i've had in honestly a LONG time. It was so nice... they're such good friends. They make me happy, spending time with them makes me happy, and thats something that can't just be looked over and taken for granted.

I downloaded the rest of the Okkervil River discography and am not disappointed. I realized that my musical choices are becoming more and more narrowed and specific. Granted, i can still easily enjoy everything on my iPod, from Ladysmith Black Mambosa to Justice to Abe Vigoda to Fleet Foxes to N.E.R.D. to the Flaming Lips. I have most of the musical basses covered: but i am focusing in on the music i really enjoy. Apparently, its composed mostly of folk-rock, post progressive, and indie rock. Whatever.

I'm freaking out about the future. It's way to early and its not good... but I am never the less. The way my mind is going, it's all YOU'RE NEVER GETTING INTO A GOOD COLLEGE YOU'LL ALWAYS BE SECOND YOU'LL NEVER MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN THE WORLD. this is a big problem- because i feel that if I don't make a difference, theres no real point in living anyway. A small, perverted segment of my mind is also hissing "you will never be happy" and my battered conscience, though it knows it is wrong, is slowly starting to accept it. This is probably not very good.

What am i looking forward to most in the next few days? A total of 12 hours of airtime i will spend READING. YES.
not sarcasm. with the amount of work i've been getting, it's crazy- I have no time to read books anymore.

So i realized that due to my approximate 4 hours of sleep last night, i was a total bitch and lashed at my mom earlier today when she didn't deserve it and was trying to be nice. I am such an asshole. I just went and apologized and she wasn't even thinking about it but still i feel so bad. I've been having many humanizing experiences lately- its weird realizing how small you are in comparison with the rest of the world. Also, today, someone showed me their blog and i suddenly was opened up to a whole other plane of their existence- and i never ever realized how much they cared about things, and how much they were hurting. I think this calls for anonymous flower sending. We shall see.

No. Okkervil river is not disappointing at all.

I heard the BEST line in a movie on saturday: "NO, I am not a lesbian. I'm heteroflexible: I'm straight, but shit happens." Were the World Mine was very cute and has inspired me to read more Shakespeare.

The sun rises too late and no longer do i wake up to even a ray of sunlight. This, dear, is not very healthy.
Hell, is there anything in my life that IS healthy?






well?





thought so.



peace&thelove forever!